• Heart Undressed Blog


Jane M. Phinney | Feb. 4, 2020

I Lost You Alive

February 4, 2020 ©

I lost you alive

To the draw of the earth

To lies of the enemy

That promised self-worth

You took just one look

You never came back

Lust led to the bite

Life under attack

The deceit was compounded

My intimacy lost

Prideful declarations

Closed eyes to the cost

Exhausted & independent

You replanted again

The weed’s curse overtook

Your best doctrines of men

The lack in the dirt

Cannot be perfected

And all the vain trying

Left your soul neglected

Eden was real

You chose to doubt

Worshiping creation

Left you locked out

The Garden isn’t yours

I took it away

Only Christ can make new

My earth on His day

Once & for all

Yoke your life to Me

I’ve patiently waited

To set your soul free

Humility, brokenness

Repentance from sin

Christ’s indwelling life

To His rest enter in

I wrote this poem a few years ago while contemplating how relationship losses happen. My thoughts went back to the beginning & considered how our Creator God might have felt at the discovery of broken union in His original family. They were hiding, having experienced the unveiling of sin. They’d never known about running away before. But the precedent was set. Forever forward, humans would be tempted to flee, denying their need for redemption, & rejecting the offered reconciliation to restore hearts to God & to each other.

If you’ve felt the ache of a living death, you know that nothing hurts quite like it. Separation feels especially cruel when it appears one-sided & the onset occurs suddenly. The enemy of our souls capitalizes on his expertise of turning bitterness into hard-heartedness. When that happens, it’s a no-win situation for all involved. And the relationship feels “prodigal.”

I’ve Lost You Alive reflects any breach in trust…people to God or people to people. Living amidst a dead/cut-off relationship can feel worse than the physical death of someone you love. Because it’s intentional. Better to be physically separated by death & spiritually together for eternity, than to be spiritually separated on earth AND spiritually separated for eternity.

The shock of prodigal relationships hasn’t been lost on me through the years. Adultery & betrayal, both rooted in idolatry, express themselves in many forms but are bred in normal life situations…marriage, family, friends, church, work, & community. All offer ample opportunities for personal destruction, IF you assume it can’t, or won’t, ever happen to you. Overnight, you find yourself in a completely foreign, emotional place. Stunned & paralyzed, you can’t imagine how it happened.

I know I’ve struck a very raw nerve in many of you. Who of us hasn’t been hurt, in some fashion, by another vulnerable soul? Thankfully, our heavenly Father provided a way out of what we see as our foiled relational Eden. His forgiveness, redemption & reconciliation stand today. The answer is the same as it was in the beginning…becoming part of His family, again, through the atoning acceptance of the Lord Jesus Christ. Only when we are freed from any remnants of bitterness, are we willing to open the door of our hearts & welcome the prodigal home.


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