“But Thou, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the Lord with my voice, and He answered me from His holy mountain. I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustains me. I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people who have set themselves against me round about.” (Psalm 3:3-6)
It’s so scary, the tangled web that deception weaves! My heart is broken for what I see happening around me. It’s everywhere. Was I just naïve when I was younger, or are things really changing that fast? I know I keep saying this to You, but I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. I’ll never fully wrap my arms around the way I see foundational, biblical, Truth attacked. You see me, shaking my head, again.
I think about how Jesus was gossiped about, lied about, falsely accused, and emotionally & physically abused by His persecutors. Lord, I don’t understand how You bore that grief, all the way to the crucifixion. Would I have accused You? It makes me sick, to the point of tears, to even think so! Hindsight is 20/20. I have Your written Word. But what if I had lived back then? Your garden suffering was a culmination of it all, in your mind & body. You agonized over your coming loss, so I could gain on this side of the Cross. Can you show me how to love like that? Because sometimes I can’t get passed my hurt. Somedays I have a good perspective. Today isn’t one of them. It’s HARD to feel the effects of an insidious, creeping evil that I can’t see. It’s illusive. Lord, I do hate the enemy of our souls! I do hate his destruction in the lives of people around me who I love. It’s like dropping a pebble into a lake. The ripples go on long after the initial “plop” in the water.
Jesus, You’ve given the promise & seal of Your Spirit in me. Please teach me what You know I need to understand. Will I be free of this pain, this side of heaven? I know that’s not really the point, or Your purpose. It’s all about You. I believe You’ve called me to be mute in any defense of myself. At times, emotional suffering is real, like a pain I can almost touch. I know You felt that way too—for a much greater calling of redemption. I can’t even process that kind of selfless love in my mind. And You went through it by Yourself… completely… alone. Unimaginable! Please change me. Teach me. Comfort me. At times I feel like I could really die of a broken heart. All the pretense in relationships, between people professing to love, is like a slow, strangulating death. And right now, I can’t breathe.
I know You see all the details in my life. You know my thoughts. You know my concerns & fears. The timing of events isn’t lost on You. The amount of information thrust on me, these days, feels like I’m trapped under a landslide. Help me, Lord! Rescue me, in the nick of time. Please protect my mind, our marriage, our future, & remaining days on this earth. Thank You for my beloved & for knitting our hearts together. Continue to seal us in Your love so that we are “leak-proof” in resisting the assault of the world, the enemy, & our own flesh. “Cocoon us” in Your very life by the power of Your Spirit. We are Yours, Lord. Thank You for saving us! IN CHRIST JESUS ALONE I PLACE MY TRUST.