• Heart Undressed Blog


As far as surgery experiences go, I think mine was one of the best. I slept the night before, I woke up peaceful in my soul, & the majority of the day went off without a hitch. The overall mood was upbeat, without being assuming or cocky. I had honestly admitted to the Lord the night prior, that I couldn’t do this. But I knew He could. And He DID! I can’t take any credit for any of it. It was unquestionably God, & the support of my “church choir.” (Let me just clarify that our church doesn’t have a choir. We’re a small bunch that lays no claim to public performances).

I was in pre-op, answering all the standard questions. The nurse asked my husband’s name & who else was out in the waiting room. The troops had already made an impression with the anchor-themed t-shirts. I was rambling off my list....2 daughters, sister, niece, grandson…..when she interrupted me with a chuckle and said, “I can’t write them all down. I’ll just put down ‘Steve & the church choir.’” When Steve & Jess came in, she promptly told them that they were in charge of rotating people & keeping them in line. When our family is together, we are not a quiet bunch. So, they had their work cut out for them. When surgery time approached the 10 minute mark, I put an end to the chatter, myself, & reminded them I wanted to pray. We said “amen” and separated from hand-holding, over my bed, to see my surgeon standing there waiting. I loved it that he got to witness that gathering, which included praying for him.

We all need the support of a “church choir” at varied, & specific, times in our lives. If you’re reading this, I consider you part of my mine. As such, I want to thank you for your prayers and the fact you care about what is happening in my life. We all have enough to do without spending an excess amount of time reading blogs. So I needed to tell you that I appreciate you. And I don’t take you for granted. The support has been part of God’s emotional ANCHOR to my soul.

I’m starting my 5th day post-op. I noticed an emotional shift on day 3. Somewhere along the way, I hit a wall of sorts, bottoming out a little. I find myself somewhere between feeling blah and feeling numb. The hype leading to surgery day is over. The day in & day out recovery process is happening, as well as follow-up appointments, more test results, and the commencing of a specific (presently unknown) treatment plan over the course of the summer. Reality is hitting. Plans are already changing. Some projects are on hold. Others didn’t make that list & ended in the trash can instead. Life in general keeps going, like it or not. My daughter likened my feelings to the birth of a baby. Everyone is excited for the event itself. But then you’re left to figure out how to proceed afterwards. I’d like to think I’m just processing. And I will admit that I’m not liking all the changes. Is it alright to say I trust God, while feeling a little out of sorts & cranky about what’s going on around me? I think so, because He understands me better than I understand myself. I already see that He has a purpose for this journey & a plan to accomplish it. I only have to take one step... at a time. “Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.” (2 Thess 5:24) I’m never more aware of this than when I feel weak-kneed & wobbly.


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