• Heart Undressed Blog


Last night Steve & I were relaxing on the loveseat. Out of the blue he asked,” Well, how you doing, Babe?” My response was, “ It’s starting to hit me. The reality that I have one more night left before… it’s sinking in, you know?” There’s been a lot of detailed information rolling around my brain the past while. It occurred to me that some of you might not even know how my cancer was discovered. So, here’s a short recap.

April12 I went in for my annual mammogram. I was in & out in a mere 15 minutes. The next day I received a call from the tech that they wanted to do more films + an ultrasound. They’d seen a difference since my last visit. So Steve went with me, the second time, on April 14. At the end of this process, the radiologist visited with us & said I needed a biopsy. He agreed that there was a concerning, noticeable change. But, he was NOT saying I had cancer. April 19 I met with a surgeon who explained the procedure & possible outcomes. On May 4, the biopsy was done. That was my first experience with a memory-loss drug. They didn’t put me under. I just wouldn’t remember an hour of my life. Weird! Steve & Jess went with me on MAY 9 to get the results. Dr. Clarke was pleasant but didn’t waste any time. He simply said, “Mrs. Phinney, you do have breast cancer.” I nodded & said, “Ok.” I didn’t look at Steve or Jess at that moment. I instantly had thoughts that my life had done a 180 degree turn. The Lord was taking me in a new direction. Things would be different. This development was NOT A SURPRISE TO GOD. Then I started asking questions. Dr Clarke wisely advised me to go home & process. And not to make any decisions. We were then directed to the surgical nurse who set up 3 additional appointments in a mere 15 minutes. It was surreal. “ Is this really happening?”

On MAY 15 I had 5 scans done over the course of 3 hours. Thankfully I had no reactions to any thing they put into me. And I enjoyed lunch out, with 2 of my daughters, in between scans. MAY 17 was my meeting with the oncologist. We all exhaled a sign of relief & uttered a quiet “Thank you, God!” when Dr Estephan announced all my scans were clear. I learned so much at that appointment! We peppered him with questions. He explained the course of treatment for differing scenarios. He calmed some fears. He took the time. MAY 18 we saw Dr Clarke, again, for a pre-op consultation. Again, question & answer time.

This brings me up-to-date, the day before THE DAY. I start tomorrow morning at 8am in radiology, where they will insert a sentinel wire & dye. Then it’s a 10:30 check-in at the hospital surgery center with the procedure scheduled for 12:30. Best case scenario for a lumpectomy is 45 minutes. Worst case is 90 minutes if they find cancer in my lymph nodes. This factor determines my treatment plan. JUNE 14 is my second appointment with Dr Estephan. That’s when we find out what my cancer receptors are - be it hormones or herto proteins (aggressive).

Whenever I’m tempted to fear, I keep remembering that GOD SEES ME. (He sees you too.) He is not unaware of any details. He knows my body better than the doctors. (That’s why we pray He gives them wisdom.) All of this didn’t sneak up on Him. He really does have X-RAY VISION. There are no secrets in our lives that He isn’t aware of. He sees through & through. We can fool others. We can even fool ourselves. But we can’t fool Him! There is a freeing comfort in that knowledge. I don’t have to figure it all out. And I can trust Him, moment by moment.

Thanks for walking this road with me, for letting me share my heart. Thank you for your prayers! I have determined in my heart to let God do what He wants, through me. It likely won’t feel safe, or easy. But, doors are opening. His message for me is HOPE because of Christ’s indwelling life. The symbol of that HOPE is the ANCHOR. (Hebrews 6:19) More on that story, another day.


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