Randy's Story—Out of The Cave

Randy's Story—Out of The Cave
By Randy of Phoenix

At the lowest point of my life I received a call from a man I had never met before who heard about me from my best friend Gary Crawford, who was with me in the canyon at the time of my accident. Steve and Gary are in the same small group at church and that's where Steve learned of me.

That morning my parents and I were staying with Christian friends who had generously opened their home to all of us, as long as we needed it (I had no place to go after being released from the hospital from my brain surgery). I had been struggling for weeks with depression, inability to sleep, physical symptoms from my fall and subsequent surgery, and anxiety associated with the many circumstances in my life that totally overwhelmed me. I finally broke that morning at the breakfast table, sobbing in waves saying "I can't do this anymore!" I felt totally hopeless and incapable of dealing with where I was. I had never been lower or more despondent in my life. I really wanted to die.

In the early afternoon the same day, my cell phone rang and it was Steve Finney, who later told me he had been assembling a swing set in the backyard for his kids when he felt God lead him to call me (there is no doubt it was God's timing and prompting). He came over an hour later and sat with me and shared God's Word and his personal experience, having been in similar circumstances in his past. Psalm 77, he said, was his favorite passage because it shows David, "a man after God's own heart," in personal crisis, at perhaps his lowest point in life.

The Psalm illustrates how futile life is when we try to manage on our own, rather than trust God's promises, provision and power. In the first ten verses, the words "me," "my" and "I" appear twenty times. David blames God for not letting him sleep, he says when he thinks of God, he groans, and he wonders if God will ever be faithful and loving to him again. David is depressed, discouraged and utterly hopeless.

Verse 10, however is pivotal. David's focus turns from himself toward God, God's consistent track record throughout history and His boundless power. In contrast to the first ten verses, the words "you" and "your," referring to God, appear eighteen times in the remaining ten verses of Psalm 77. David's demeanor changes in the last half of the Psalm to being hopeful, confident and trusting of God. The implication is that we must shift the focus off our present circumstances and inability to handle them, and onto God's power and ability to take us through those circumstances no matter how bleak the future seems at the time. This is what builds our faith and when we grow and get to know God better.

Steve shared a personal story that I have told many times, that drove home the point to me. He said as part of his job he has the opportunity to speak to men at Christian conferences. After one such conference in Denver, one of the attendees, who was a professional skier, came up and invited Steve to accompany him skiing that weekend. Steve, being rather proud of his skiing prowess and excited about the opportunity to ski with a professional, eagerly accepted.

Upon arriving at the resort, the instructor asked Steve where he would like to start. Steve suggested warming up a bit about mid-way up the mountain where he proceeded to hot dog and show off his "abilities." All the while the instructor skied behind Steve, observing. After a few runs the instructor asked if he was ready to head to the top of the hill, to which Steve enthusiastically replied sure, let's go, "I'll do whatever you do."

Again, Steve was in the lead the first run down the mountain, demonstrating his capabilities and thinking pretty highly of himself. The instructor continued to watch from behind until a ski jump came into view. The instructor passed Steve to line up for the jump, which he executed flawlessly. Not wanting to be outdone, particularly given his comment, Steve felt compelled to make the jump as well. Unfortunately the result was not so impressive, with Steve landing in a heap.

The instructor came along side and said "you're really not much of a skier at all are you?" "In fact, I'll bet you've never taken a lesson have you?" "You've been teaching me all week about living in the Spirit, how about you let me teach you how to ski?" Though somewhat indignant, Steve agreed, and back to the top of the mountain they went. At the top, the instructor pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and proceeded to tie it over Steve's eyes, "now we're going down the same run, but this time you are going to have to listen to me. You're what I refer to as a "sight skier." You've learned that as long as you can see where you're going, you're OK and don't need anymore training.

After a difficult first attempt, Steve found he was able to navigate the slope better each successive run when he listened carefully and placed his full trust in the instructor.

The application for me was relating Steve's story to my own life. I had been living life by sight. As long as I could see what was coming and could manage through it, I was OK. This time, however, I could not navigate my circumstances. I could not see a way through them, given my condition and the sheer number of crises/situations I was dealing with. I had to come to the end of myself, admit that I could no longer handle everything, give control to God, and ask friends and family to help me. I realized at that point that my faith had never been tried, until this point in my life I had never fully let go, relinquishing control to God.

This was a huge revelation to me and the point where I began to make progress. I've struggled with wanting to take control back when my "vision" seems to be clearing up. This is a daily struggle for me and I pray regularly that God will never need to teach me this lesson again.

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