Cathy Clark

Hanging From The Cliff
By Cathy Clark

The reason I want to share my personal story is because I am so excited about the work the Lord has done and is still doing in my life and in the heart of my husband. Many have been praying for me as well as for my husband, for the past couple of years. Like many, we have been through tests and trials of various kinds. I hope that if their is any hope, faith or encouragement gained from my testimony that others will be blessed and ultimately give God all the glory. I thank all of our family and friends who have prayed or assisted us in our worst moments.

As I have endured though these hardships-I have been liberated. Like many, I had been believing a distorted version of truth. In Christ I was always free from my old selfish nature, but now I have experienced it. God has recently reminded me, through my 41/2 yr old daughter the truth behind Rev.21:5, "Behold, I am making all things new". Until now, I have been using my old way of thinking as a tool to get me through the steps of renewing my mind. As one might guess, it didn't work. I was not allowing the real power of Christ to penetrate my heart because I was holding on to my own version of the truth. I was doing a lot of the "Christian works" in my own strength. The result was—I became increasingly weary. I had the horrible habit of questioning and over-analyzing everything. I did not accept Christ at face value. I made things complicated. But not anymore, I am free! Have you heard that expression "if it is simple then it must be complicated"? I have learned that, through Christ, this is not so. It is like having the best present under the Christmas tree labeled "To You." Inside this gift is grace, love, joy, peace, hope, patience, gentleness, kindness, meekness and goodness. Instead of opening the gift at face value, I would consistently try to figure out what the gift was without opening it.

I was raised in a legalistic, performance based, cynical household where everybody's mistakes were openly laughed at. I quickly learned, at my husband's expense, that he didn't share my same dysfunctional humor.

About 3 yrs ago I asked my mentor, to help me figure out how to get my mind set and my heart attitude to match up. It seemed that no matter how often I tried to renew my mind In Christ I was still suffering from walking after my flesh. I prayed and asked God to show me my flesh patterns and ways I took glory from him and put it on me. My mentor told me that I had experienced the knowledge of God's word but not the power of God's word. As God lead, we uncovered some childhood lies and generational sins that were passed on to me from my parents. This was the source of my bad fruit. I wanted to be a better help mate to my husband and I wanted to experience God's power in my heart and produce the good fruits of the spirit that are mine as a child of God. I found out in the last couple of years how much it hurts to die to my flesh. It wasn't just painful for me, but also my husband and our two daughters as well. Honestly, most of this pain came from believing a bunch of lies. In the end, it broke my heart to see how awful my flesh could be, not only to my loved ones but to my heavenly Father.

I used to think I was a positive and generally happy person, what some might call "easy going". That was a lie too. Galatians 6:3 references a man who thinks he is something when he is nothing. God was very faithful to show me my flesh patterns that hindered the work of the Holy Spirit. God showed me what a quick tempered person I was, how I stirred up strife and how I justified myself while condemning others for doing the same things. I was tearing down the walls of my own house. I became self-destructive.

During this trying time Cliff and I were fighting like cats and dogs and I started to think I hated my husband. This was a LIE. I was not respecting him or his decisions. I didn't like my situation and I was taking it out on him. All I focused on was how my husband wasn't protecting us physically, spiritually or emotionally and somehow all this was his fault. My mentor kept on telling me that I was going to have to get my eyes off of Cliff and fixed on the Lord if I was going to make it through this trial. But instead, I chose to learn the hard way. I resorted to my old ways of coping with stress and I bought a pack of cigarettes after quitting for seven years.

I became more and more angry at my husband for my situation, I thought he should have been doing more for me. I started to think more lies about him and myself. I would not get my eyes off of him and onto the Lord. I believed we were hopeless. I thought somehow Cliff was causing me to stumble so it was all his fault. I was throwing around the word divorce and emasculating my husband almost daily. In addition to smoking again, I brought home beer and liquor. I also was taking pain pills and sleeping aids. I was in pain, I was miserable, I was bitter, I had no peace, and I was hostile towards God. I was believing lies. We tried counseling through IOM America and I was still rebellious and unwilling to change first! I got "put on hold" in our counseling because I failed to follow through on a task I was given. Our counselor continued to work with my husband to train him how to be "a warrior" of Christ and how to fight our battles of life appropriately. I love my husband more today than ever before. He has been responsible in his counseling process and has learned the true meaning of love. As our counselor says, to love each other is to give God to each other because God is love. The love that is in me is all God's love and I was in need of learning this same lesson but I had one very powerful and life-changing truth to embrace.

When I was asked to come back to counseling our counselor at IOM told me to make a list of all of the lies that caused hostility towards myself, my husband and God. He then proceeded to read James 4:4 to me. Paraphrased it says "that friendship with the world is hostility towards God and we make ourselves then, an enemy of God". The truth struck me upside the head and deep in my heart. I had been embracing some of the world's views on what my "rights" were in a marriage. I was being a friend to the world. I knew I was hostile towards God and I was making myself an enemy. How can I deny the truth? After I wrote down all the lies, I had half of a notebook full. God began to set me free from these lies. After being ministered to through 1 Peter chapter 2, I finally embraced the Truth! l recommitted myself to God's Truth, my husband and gave my trust to Christ in and through my husband, respectfully submitting to the authority God gave him. I was free.

I think I am a kinder help-mate now! God used many people to help build more character and change my life. I will be eternally grateful to all those that God used to turn my life around.

If you struggle with believing lies of the world, my prayer is that you would seek the Truth by way of prayer, the Word and some good old fashioned Christ-centered counsel. God bless you and have a Spirit filled Christmas. - Cathy

To find help for the battle over control, contact:
IOM AMERICA
8777 E. Via de Ventura
Suite 165
Scottsdale, AZ 85258
(602) 292-2985
More testimonies can be obtained by contacting IOM: info@IOMAmerica.org