John & Rachel Hickey

From Immorality To Purity
By John Hickey

I have been asked to write out my testimony of my life-long struggle with the sexual temptations of man. Through the personal counsel & small groups provided by IOM America, as well as our personal growth in Christ, this testimony is possible.

I was introduced to sex when I was about three years of age by my father. I don't remember much about those early years but I'm sure there was abuse. By the age of five, I was introduced to my three year old brother and sister. I was asked to perform sexual acts on them while my father watched. Also, my father tried to have sex with me and my siblings. From the ages of five to thirteen, I was instructed by my father how to masturbate and go to my sister for sex anytime I "needed" to. At this early age, I was exposed to porn and sex toys. So I had many years to develop an unhealthy appetite for sex. I used sex as a tool to comfort myself anytime I was stressed, bored, lonely, in pain or scared. My father gave me permission and encouraged me to go to my bedroom or bathroom anytime I "needed" to masturbate or have sex. By the time I was thirteen, I was introduced to having sex with my mother. At this same age, I was forced to perform sexual acts on my dad anytime he wanted it. I lost count of how many times this happened.

I was about thirteen when I said no to my father's sexual favors. I had accepted Christ as my savior at the age of twelve. I found strength in my ability to make a stand but I kept on masturbating, sometimes three or four times a day. I continued to go to my sister for sex until I was about sixteen. When I turned eighteen I thought I was free. It took me many years to realize that after leaving my father's abuse, that I continued his abuse on myself. Once reaching the teen years, I played the field of women, having sex with anyone who would have it with me. I kept it legal, but I loved the variety. Strangely enough, I continued to masturbate throughout this time period.

At the age of twenty-nine, I met my wife. Being a perfect specimen of beauty, I thought all my sexual problems would disappear. I was certain that she was the one that would fill my every need BUT one day she caught me masturbating and "blew her top." I couldn't figure out what the big deal was. I had always masturbated and thought all guys did. After all, that's what my dad taught me. Well things got worst. Between having kids, bills mounting, stresses of work, marriage and other forms of distress, I continued to masturbate. Then my wife said "no more." Since I was forbidden by my wife to masturbate in the home, I started masturbating in the car. Since I preferred the "real thing" vs. porn, I discovered the excitement of public masturbation.

After several years of that, my wife came close to having an affair and I soon realized I needed to confess what I was doing. Once confessing, I stopped for a long while until I "slipped" back into my old ways. Stopping this habit was like trying to get off a mind addicting drug. I would stop when I felt guilty and start up again when I felt forgiven and secure. The pattern was endless.

Once the internet was accessible, I discovered a new level of depravity that brought yet another form of excitement. Then the worst happened, just two years ago, my wife committed adultery. My whole life came crashing down around me. I knew that the Lord wanted to change my life. Through our counseling and small group accountability, I began to grow in Christ in a way that I didn't know was possible.

Since our new founded growth, I have not masturbated for over two years. That is the longest I have withheld myself from masturbating. I have lustful thoughts from time to time but I continue to get stronger each day. Yes, I'm still attracted to flesh and the lust of man but God continues to give me to power to overcome sexual temptations of man.

I know the enemy laughs at my new founded passion to stay pure but God is a God of power and strength. There is freedom in Christ. I encourage all readers to consider personal counsel, joining a small group and stay dedicated to the Word of God. Surrender it all to Him and allow Him to deliver you from the bondage of sexual deviance. I am not going to lie to you, it probably will hurt, a lot, but it has to be a lot better than what you are experiencing now. Christ will give you the strength you need to stay pure - I promise!

My hope and prayer is that all men and women who suffer from this sin, would become free. If you are in bondage, expose, confess and deal with it. Find a "good" counselor and get help. When you are freed, God will use you in a mighty way. My wife and I have a new founded love for ministry and find ourselves helping others find the same freedom that God offered us. Restoration is what God does best. Embrace it and you will find life. May God bless you in your journey.

John