Forgive My Mom — You've Got To Be Kidding?
By Margo Majchrzak

When Dr. Phinney gave me homework, to create a list of "How I hurt my Mom" and how "My Mom hurt me", the last person in the entire world I would want to do this on was my Mother. To me, this was a pointless exercise. I wasn't sure about putting forth the effort, because quite honestly, I expected the end result would become something worse than our present relationship. After all, I had to face a mother who has suffered hurt and rejections from all areas of life - a victim of sever hurt. I wasn't sure how she would handle my confession. Due to the problematic mother/daughter relationship we have had for many years, I feared this phone call! Up to this point of our lives, we didn't have much of a relationship.

To help prepare my mother's heart for this reconciliation meeting, Dr. Phinney asked that I send my mother a card. Enclosed, he asked that I put a picture of her grandchildren. I did. I wrote a few short words about the kids and sent it off.

In the meanwhile, I fulfilled my homework by listing all the ways that I hurt my mother. While gearing up and readying myself for my reconciliation call, I unexpectedly receive a letter from my Mom. It was a response to the card - eight pages worth. I thought for sure Dr. Phinney would "side" with me after reading the level of rejection stated in the letter. Well, just the opposite took place. Dr. Phinney saw a hurt and wounded person who was desperate to find a way out of her pain. Which much of it I caused I might add. It was in that moment that I realized that he was right. So what if she has her own view of the "actual facts." Does God call me to only seek forgiveness from those who agree with my view of the offense? Probably not! My old view was - before I reconciled, I had be sure that we both agree to what the "actual facts" were. Then I could say I was wrong! Needless to say, that wasn't the truth. It doesn't matter what my mother's view was or is on "the facts." The bottom line was we both had our own views of the offences committed going both ways.

Well, I picked up the phone and made the call. I told her what I wanted to do and asked that she hear me out until the end of the list. She did, but what I heard at the end of my confession was completely unexpected. She was crying uncontrollably. All she could manage to communicate through her tears was a voice that was as loud as a whisper "yes, yes...of course I forgive you." I then asked if there was anything else I had neglect to confess that hurt her. She brought up two additional items. After explaining her feelings regarding those items, she again did something completely unexpected. Thinking about it still sends chills. She told me that she knows there must be things that she has done to hurt me and then asked me what those things were! I froze. My list on how she hurt me was put away. I had extended forgiveness through God, and those items were history to me. I couldn't even think of one thing to say to her. My mind was absolutely blank! I began searching for my list while she was on the phone, but for some reason I couldn't even see that the list was sitting right on top of my desk (where it was found the next morning). I prayed in that moment and God only brought one item to mind. With one additional item added by my mom, we worked through those issues.

The rest of the conversation was a tremendous breakthrough. We talked about our past, our present and even our future. Our hearts were open and warm. It was truly amazing! We spoke on the phone for 137 minutes... almost 2 ½ hours! All I can say is that for those of you who are hurting, even if you don't believe it is a relationship that may not need reconciliation, believe me - start here. You will not regret it. It will change your life and most definitely theirs too.

More testimonies can be obtained by contacting IOM: info@IOMAmerica.org